Talking Your Teen Away

When parents are encouraged to communicate from birth to adulthood then the idea of ‘talking your teenager out of the house’ seems like a contradiction. However there is communication and communication! With the wrong approach you will certainly drive your teenager away, not just out of the house for good, but you will lose them emotionally and spiritually. The price is simply far too high. Through frustrations and anger parents are more likely to give ultimatums that often mean homelessness.

Nagging and Shouting at Teens Never Works

When a parent shouts, then the teenager shouts louder. The parent then becomes less effective with each word is uttered. Teenagers do what most people do when ‘talked to’ they switch off! Many parents have ‘verbal diarrhea’ (teenage speak) nagging to us, which often lasts for hours, day and sometimes weeks. Some parent’s resort to the big freeze, believing this will shame their teenager into doing what they want. The reality is this - we only have about 10 to 15 seconds to maximize what we need to say, after that we may as well be talking to a doll. Unless the dialogue is interesting or rewarding, the natural response is boredom, switching off and rebellion.

Stand Your Ground with Teenagers

If you are frightened, you have given your power to the teenager far too early. No matter how tall or big they are, never show fear, because when this happens you will be hard pushed to regain control. Self-assertive classes will help with confidence and courage. If you show fear, you instill fear and bewilderment in your teenager. But you also show that you are a pushover and will be treated as such. Never be concerned that your teenager may consider you the problem, because to them you are the main problem - you won’t let them do everything they want to do. Stand your ground by using the techniques below to regain your powerbase.

Complete This Straight Away with Teenagers

1.              Stop nagging and keep requests simple and short

2.              Repeat three times, remaining calm and firm

3.              Use the same tone of voice each time

4.              Have consequences for bad behaviour

5.              Step into your teens shoes for a while

6.              Put in place curfews, routines and boundaries

7.              Work with the parents of your teenagers friends.

8.              Give them opportunities to have controlled scary adventures

9.              Listen mindfully - give your teen time to speak.

Parents must always support each other, even if one thinks the other has been unfair. United you stand, divided you fall. If single find the support of a strong and well-respected male figure, grandfathers and uncles can often be the catalysts to improvement and better communication.

Be the Parent not the Friend

You cannot be a friend to your children or teenager, time for that much later when you have built the necessary foundations for adulthood. Being parents is a privilege. Mum and Dad are the most important words in your teenager’s life. Northampton town centre has an 11pm curfew for anyone under eighteen. If all towns and cities had this, then life would be easier for parents. And if all parents sent their teenage friends home, everyone would be working together.

Shame is the Bedrock for Addictive Teenagers Later in Life.

The more you nag the more a teenager will try all sorts of methods to get you off their back and head for freedom - and in this leap for freedom teenagers will try to shock you, especially if they believe you are restricting their desire for adventure. This is the danger point. Once this thrill for rebellion is anchored in, you may find your teenager justifying drugs and alcohol. Shocking elders is a byproduct of the rebellious teenager, and if drugs and drink are part of this rebellion, then this is exactly what they will do. Teenagers need to be thrilled and stimulated. Use this excessive energy in controlled activities that work them hard, something that pushes their boundaries of fear healthily or they may find something to do on their own or with their peers.

Unhappy Teenagers

Teenagers who are unhappy at home, who feel ignored and misunderstood often find solace in peers who are willing to take massive risks to shock their elders.  If drugs and drink are part of the scene then your teenager will do the same. Your teenager may look like an adult, however he or she is emotionally immature to deal with the highs and lows puberty brings, and for this reason, parents need to be the guiding hand. With the right attitude, skills and approach, doubled up with kindness and firmness you will have a rewarding relationship built on respect. Your aim is for a win-win situation where there is a willingness on your teenagers’ part to cooperate with you, because they want to.